How to Effectively Plan for Your Aging Parents

"No, I've been the one sacrificing my life to accommodate her," complains Gwen. "Well, I've sent plenty of money. Sis, you're the one who lives with her," screams Terrance over the TV. "I think it's only fair that she stays with you," states Gwen. The two adults continue to argue. Out of the back room comes their 80 years old mother, crying and in tears, "Take me to a nursing home!"

Introduction

How can you decide on the long-term care of your parents? How do you handle your brothers and sisters and maintain sanity? These questions are only one snapshot of what the future may hold for you. You can't hide from these decisions. Trouble can find you anywhere. We are called the sandwich generation because we find ourselves simultaneously caring for our elderly parents and our children. Families are no longer in shouting distance from each other; our society has become a very mobile civilization without family and community support. There are countless stories of siblings arguing about who's going to care for their parents, who's in charge, and who's going to pay for it.

Changing World

America continues to grow older as a civilization. Good health, improvements in medicine and technology are producing new social problems. The aging "Baby Boomer" generation, with its high income and education, will shatter stereotypes and set new cultural standards. According to the 1998 U.S. Census Report, the population is made up of about 12.7 percent seniors (65 years & older). One report found that in many developed countries in the West, older women are much more likely to live alone than are older men, partly because women are more likely to be widowed than men. This expanding senior sector will continue to be marked by diversity and unpredictability.

Hard Choices

Many families do not want to discuss long-term care with their parents. We try to push it away. However, as we watch our parents grow older each day, we find ourselves feeling uncomfortable. Long-term care is the biggest unfunded liability for many families. According to the 1997 Centers for Disease Control's study, there were 1.5 million seniors living in nursing homes. Long-term care can involve a host of considerations. Options include community care, adult day care, home health care, assisted-living care, and life-care facilities to name a few. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. Many don't realize the financial strain aging can cause such as the cost of caring for chronic medical conditions. Can you afford not to think about it before it's too late? You can, however, start to take actions.

Below are some suggestions:

o Talk with parents about their wishes.

o Encourage your parents to complete a will.

o Sell any property with relatives (parents, etc.)ASAP.

o Remember,property with siblings can be a horror story.

o Stay positive amidst negative family members.

o Discuss family finances openly.

o Discover your role in your parents' care.

o Seek professional advice (legal, financial, etc.).

o Make a valuable contribution during this time.

Conclusion

Planning is important to ensuring that our parents will continue to live with dignity and fulfillment. How to handle long-term care of parents will continue to be a major issue in the future. People must decide how they will handle these problems. Some family members will continue to be selfish, putting most of the work on the overworked; caring for our elderly is a sacred tradition. Ask the hard questions. Make the important decisions. Gain your happiness back. Our parents deserve the best. Start today!

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Being Older Doesn't Matter at College, Says Plus 50 Student

Clark College student Francesca Mastrangero found a supportive environment when she went back to school at age 50 plus. "I like the feeling of family at Clark," says Mastrangero. She came to Clark College to work on her GED. She feels right at home at the college. The other students are always friendly, she says. "It doesn't matter here at Clark whether I'm an older student or not," she said. Mastrangero even overcame some challenges in her studies with the help of fellow students. She is taking pre-requisites for a program that will lead to a career in health care and a job that she likes. "Don't be afraid to come to class because of your age," she says. "There's a lot of people like me....There's a lot of us here. You've got to come here."



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Keeping the Bonds Strong After Your Baby is Born

After we find the person we want to spend our life with we may decide to add a baby into the mix. Parenthood is wonderful and if you are looking for a bonding experience I do not think anything can match that of raising children together. But you have to be prepared for the many changes that a baby will make in your life and in the time you have to spend with your partner.

Did you know that many couples say that having a baby caused problems in the relationship? That is not to say that it was the baby's fault, far from it!

The usual complaint is that with the birth of the baby came a lot of new responsibilities. By the end of the day the parents, especially the mom in most cases, are very tired and instead of being in the mood for intimacy they are more likely to be ready to go to sleep.

When the next day comes the routines repeat themselves. In many cases the husband will complain that the new baby now gets all of the attention and energy of the mother, and there is nothing left over for him.

My suggestion is that both parents work on this. It is vital that both of you feel involved in the baby's care. By taking a role in caring for the baby both parents will in fact be bonding with their child while strengthening the bonds of the relationship.

Not only will one feel supported by the other but each of you will find that you are becoming a real family and not just a couple with a baby. One word of caution though, it is important to keep some time for you as a couple.

Some couples continue a date night once a week or as often as possible. Others find that they can spend time together when the baby is napping and that meets their needs. Obviously you will need to find what works best for your unique relationship.

Hopefully you discussed this before the baby's birth and you already have some sort of plan regarding how to manage the care of the baby and find time for your relationship. Luckily friends and family members are usually more than happy to spend time with your new baby. Take advantage of that.

If you do not want to leave your newborn for an extended period of time then consider simply leaving him while you and your partner go out for dinner. You may be surprised at how relaxing your meal is when you do not have to worry with your baby for a change.

Make the most of the time you have with your baby because they grow up faster than you expect. Your baby will soon be a toddler and just when you get used to that change it seems that overnight he has turned into a teenager!

Remember that your baby is what makes you and your partner parents. Your baby is a lifelong bond between the two of you. Enjoy the precious life that bonds you!

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